Ok its not about chicken wings, we all know the classic 'why did the chicken cross the road' question. I have a question of my own: has anyone thought to ask the damn chicken? It just might tell us and put this riddle to rest forever!
I don't know where this list originated, it was forwarded to me a while ago and I saved it because...well, its funny
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good of man.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross
roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the
establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of
rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50
tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken
has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its
pancreas.
ACCENTURE: Deregulation of the chicken's
side of the road was threatening its dominant market
position. The chicken was faced with significant
challenges to create and develop the competencies
required for the newly competitive market. Andersen
Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the
client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes.
Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen
helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies,
knowledge, capital and experiences to align the
chicken's people, processes and technology in support
of its overall strategy within a Program Management
framework. Accenture convened a diverse
cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens
along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in
the transportation industry to engage in a two-day
itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their
personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit,
and to enable them to synergize with each other in
order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and
uccessfully architecting and implementing an
enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum
of poultry cross-median processes.The meeting was held
in park-like setting, enabling and creating an
impactful environment which was strategically based,
industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear,
and unified market message and aligned with the
chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was
conducive towards the creation of a total business.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the
black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in
order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all
chickens will be free to cross roads without having
their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said
unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the
chicken crossed the road, and there was much
rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own
eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road
before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road.
I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the
road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road
justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean,
why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck
was this chicken doing walking around all over the
place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the
chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying
sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken
Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will
lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the
chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was
crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked
in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time,
have been naturally selected in such a way that they
are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road
or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon
your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken
nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the
road .. it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
BILL CLINTON : I did not, and I repeat, did not have
sexual relations with that chicken.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard
working American.
L.A. POLICE DEPARTMENT: Give us five minutes with the
chicken and we'll find out.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he
cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the
road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken
crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken
crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT
chicken. However, I did ask Vernon Jordan to find the
chicken a job in New York
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Oh, the Torment of Traffic
I haven’t posted anything new in the past few days because I’m so worn out when I get home - the 'go slow' these days is unimaginable. Got home at 11pm on Tuesday and it's been that bad for the past couple of months.
Those of us with good memories will remember the Mother-of-all-Traffic a couple of years ago when 3rd Mainland Bridge was being repaired. A well-known construction company hauled their bright blue machinery onto the bridge, taking over an entire lane and causing horrendous traffic at night, over a two-week period. Back then I sometimes got home at midnight, but at least there was an apparent reason for it. Now? You just keep inching along until you find yourself at your front door.
A few years ago a friend of mine told me how her family hosted a guest from New York. “I wanna see the Lagos traffic” the lady announced as soon as she arrived, “I’ve heard so much about it”. So my friend’s family drove the lady around town, looking for traffic during rush hour, but for some really strange reason there was no real traffic to be found. Unfortunately for the lady, it showed up the one time she definitely did not want to see it - as they sped towards the airport on the night of her departure what did they see inching its way ahead, but our infamous Lagos traffic.
For all of my fellow commuters stuck in the recurring nightmare of the Lagos commute, here are three more ways to keep busy during the bumper to bumper crawl:
1. Spice up your social life
If you’re one of those single people who moan about not meeting anyone new, take a good look around you next time you’re in standstill traffic and you’ll see that you are surrounded by hundreds of potential dates. How do you communicate your interest and availability? Slap on a bumper sticker that says something witty about you (Single, Slim, Sexy, Solvent and Searching) or be direct (Here’s My Number - 080…) But beware, people who smile at you in traffic aren’t necessarily interested, they might just want to cut into your lane.
2. Bond with your beloved
If you’re stuck on 3rd Mainland at night with your Significant Other, enjoy the romantic setting. Take a look around you - you’ll see the lagoon shimmering in the moonlight and stars twinkling overhead. (Assuming PHCN hasn’t disconnected the stars and moonlight) With street traders who sell just about everything, you have a chance to spontaneously buy a romantic gift. (Just ignore the screams from the car being robbed in front of you and no, a toilet seat does not count as a romantic gift)
3. Check out the goods
Speaking of toilet seats, if you’re really bored, check out all the shopping you can do from the (dis)comfort of your car. The last time I counted all the items I saw on sale in Lagos traffic in one day, I listed over seventy different things, including: irons, phones, meat, pots & pans, toilet seats, knives, garden shears, mags & newspapers, carrots, peas & potatoes, fruit, sausage rolls, (Gala Gala Gala) cold drinks, masks, flashlights, toys, crockery, slippers, kaftans, boxer shorts, radios, watches, jewellery, sunglasses and of course recharge cards. Oh yeah also: tissue, books, lightbulbs and towels. Not forgetting the aloe vera plants.
Is anyone from the Lagos State Government reading this?? (Probably not. They’re probably all busy mapping out new BRT routes. Which I suspect is the cause of all this madness.)
Help us! Come to our aid! As Nigerians on national TV like to say in polls about the State of the Nation - “We are suffering; the Government should please come to our aid.”
Those of us with good memories will remember the Mother-of-all-Traffic a couple of years ago when 3rd Mainland Bridge was being repaired. A well-known construction company hauled their bright blue machinery onto the bridge, taking over an entire lane and causing horrendous traffic at night, over a two-week period. Back then I sometimes got home at midnight, but at least there was an apparent reason for it. Now? You just keep inching along until you find yourself at your front door.
A few years ago a friend of mine told me how her family hosted a guest from New York. “I wanna see the Lagos traffic” the lady announced as soon as she arrived, “I’ve heard so much about it”. So my friend’s family drove the lady around town, looking for traffic during rush hour, but for some really strange reason there was no real traffic to be found. Unfortunately for the lady, it showed up the one time she definitely did not want to see it - as they sped towards the airport on the night of her departure what did they see inching its way ahead, but our infamous Lagos traffic.
For all of my fellow commuters stuck in the recurring nightmare of the Lagos commute, here are three more ways to keep busy during the bumper to bumper crawl:
1. Spice up your social life
If you’re one of those single people who moan about not meeting anyone new, take a good look around you next time you’re in standstill traffic and you’ll see that you are surrounded by hundreds of potential dates. How do you communicate your interest and availability? Slap on a bumper sticker that says something witty about you (Single, Slim, Sexy, Solvent and Searching) or be direct (Here’s My Number - 080…) But beware, people who smile at you in traffic aren’t necessarily interested, they might just want to cut into your lane.
2. Bond with your beloved
If you’re stuck on 3rd Mainland at night with your Significant Other, enjoy the romantic setting. Take a look around you - you’ll see the lagoon shimmering in the moonlight and stars twinkling overhead. (Assuming PHCN hasn’t disconnected the stars and moonlight) With street traders who sell just about everything, you have a chance to spontaneously buy a romantic gift. (Just ignore the screams from the car being robbed in front of you and no, a toilet seat does not count as a romantic gift)
3. Check out the goods
Speaking of toilet seats, if you’re really bored, check out all the shopping you can do from the (dis)comfort of your car. The last time I counted all the items I saw on sale in Lagos traffic in one day, I listed over seventy different things, including: irons, phones, meat, pots & pans, toilet seats, knives, garden shears, mags & newspapers, carrots, peas & potatoes, fruit, sausage rolls, (Gala Gala Gala) cold drinks, masks, flashlights, toys, crockery, slippers, kaftans, boxer shorts, radios, watches, jewellery, sunglasses and of course recharge cards. Oh yeah also: tissue, books, lightbulbs and towels. Not forgetting the aloe vera plants.
Is anyone from the Lagos State Government reading this?? (Probably not. They’re probably all busy mapping out new BRT routes. Which I suspect is the cause of all this madness.)
Help us! Come to our aid! As Nigerians on national TV like to say in polls about the State of the Nation - “We are suffering; the Government should please come to our aid.”
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