Don't Worry, Be Happy

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls…I’ve been on a blogging hiatus because I have a recurring cold and am presently hooked on cough medicine which keeps me almost permanently drowsy.

I love Benylin with Codeine. It gives one such a pleasant, happy feeling. All is right with the world. I love Lagos.

Last year when I had to fly several times for work, it was a pleasant coincidence that I had a cough at the time and so had a bottle of Benylin with me. It suppressed those endless racking coughs, soothed my throat and, just by the way, (only as a fringe benefit) knocked me out so I wouldn’t have to experience the flight.

This year when the ‘rains’ began and my cough resurfaced, I decided to try another brand of cough mixture, worried about my increasing attachment to Benylin.

I took a bottle of Day Nurse to work to prevent me from coughing all over everyone in Marketing (and some in HR.)

“Non Drowsy!” the bottle proclaimed. Oh yeah? Then why did I fall asleep halfway up the stairs to the Finance dept?

I took Night Nurse in the evening and could barely get up the next morning. My sore throat was gone but so also was my energy. I felt heavy and drugged.

So I went back to Benylin. It tastes great, works instanta, promotes world peace (don’t worry, be happy, I am!) and is an essential item in my Fear of Flying toolkit.

I’ll return to complete the Brazil posts as soon as this pleasant haze lifts.

Snakes on a Plane, Frog in the Bathroom (1)

Back to Brazil and the second event in the series:

2) Flew a total of about 25 hours to get to a ranch in Campo Grande

I lurve Samuel L Jackson and all his movies, except for that ridiculous Snakes on a Plane. Why don’t I like it? First I’d rather walk than fly. I established that fact in my post on July 17.

Secondly, I don’t understand the function of snakes in society. I don’t understand the function of cockroaches either, but this is not about them. I’d really appreciate it if a herpetologist out there would explain to me (slowly, slowly) exactly where snakes fit into the circle of life. They are just so scary. I guess what you don’t understand, you fear.

Put my two main fears together and you have Snakes on a Plane.

Luckily I didn’t experience anything close to the nightmare of seeing a snake slithering about on the flights I was on, but I did have a brush with one at the hacienda.

The flight to Sao Paulo felt like it took forever. If I remember correctly, it lasted over ten hours from London. Ten hours suspended in the air, surrounded by strangers, strapped to an uncomfortable seat with no leg room.

I had a window seat next to a young Brit, a friendly chatty guy who had backpacked across Asia and was now ready for South America. The lady on his other side, sitting by the aisle was ready for him. She looked much older, was obviously very attracted to him and flirted openly for hours.
Sometimes he would turn to me to ask questions about my trip and my country but she would always interrupt to get his attention back. By the time I got tired of talking to him and was ready to sleep she had her left hand resting on his knee while he studied a map.

Every time I looked out of the window it was dark. There was absolutely nothing to look at, just endless blackness. It was like the sun had overslept or something.

At the airport in Sao Paulo I was worried about missing my connecting flight to Campo Grande. No one seemed to speak any English so I waved my hands about and chanted “Campo Grande, Campo Grande.”

At first the people weren’t very friendly. In fact they were borderline rude; ignoring me, looking right through me, walking off as I approached, until they discovered I was a foreigner and the dazzling smiles came out.

I’m not one to ascribe racism to every negative encounter with non-black people but there were definitely negative vibes going on. I guess technically it wasn't racism, because they were really nice and helpful when they found out I’m not Brazilian. Maybe it’s an internal problem, the sort of problem usually faced by countries with colour-coded populations.

I finally got directions to the domestic wing (still frantic about missing my flight) and when I got to the VARIG/TAM office upstairs a lady behind the counter smiled and said “Jay Jay!” when she saw my Nigerian passport. She was really friendly and though her spoken English wasn’t that good I figured out she liked football (what Brazilian doesn’t?) and probably admired Jay Jay Okocha. So Jay Jay’s dribbling skills helped make life a little easier for a fellow Nigerian, miles away in South America. She gave me my boarding pass and directed me to the right terminal.

Remember I said her English wasn’t fantastic? Her directions were confusing so I ended up at the wrong place.

“Campo Grande, Campo Grande” I said to some guards.

One of them escorted me to the right terminal where I settled in to wait for my flight.

I felt lost and alone. Just as I was kicking myself for not buying a Portuguese phrase book, I heard someone speaking English. This sounds ridiculous but the sound of words I understood was really comforting.

I moved closer to the English couple who were talking about their trip. They were also going to Campo Grande so I sat near them and read a book while enjoying the sound of a familiar language.

Pick Up the Phone, Girl

My friend T lives in Minneapolis and so I was really worried when I heard about the bridge that collapsed there on Wednesday. We’ve been friends since we were six and she’s one of the ‘experts’ I called during my contacts crisis (July 12 post.) Her mum was our music teacher in Primary school and we sat next to each other all through Secondary school.

We’ve been the same height for years. She constantly disputes that fact, imagining herself to be the taller one (ha!) but the truth is we’ve been the same height for years, experiencing vertical growth at pretty much the same rate.

Together we suffered the torture of wearing thick glasses while growing up, consoling ourselves with the ‘fact’ that ‘short-sighted people have been found to possess above-average intelligence.’ I don’t know how true that is, nor can I remember where we read that research finding, but consoled we were.

She got contacts first and I envied her liberation from glasses. Then she got LASIK surgery to correct her sight but I will stick to my contacts thank you very much. (It appears my contacts are also determined to stick to me, as evidenced by their clingy behaviour on July 12.)

Back to the main gist, these past couple of days I’ve called T’s cellphone nearly thirty times but it kept going straight to voicemail and her phone at home rang endlessly.

I left her a message, no response. Sent her an email, no reply. I became frantic and tried calling her parents here to find out how she was. Couldn’t get through.

So I decided to go to her parents’ house during my lunch break on Friday, since they live near my office. But I couldn’t: it rained on the island and traffic is bad when it rains and all that. Actually that’s not why. It did rain but I think I was sort of afraid of what I would hear and preferred to hear it over the phone than face to face.

So this morning I tried calling her parents again. No show so I tried T. Cellphone went to voicemail and her landline at home rang and rang - until her father picked up. I was a bit confused because I wasn’t expecting anyone to answer, least of all her father who, as far as I knew, was right here in Lagos with me.

Anyways, to cut a long story short, turns out T and her hubby are chillin’ in Cancun Mexico, celebrating their fifth wedding anniversary while I’m here developing an ulcer over her whereabouts.

Fill the Form, Dammit!

In my July 27 post I wrote about the series of smaller events which made up my Dramatic Experience in Brazil. This is the first:

(1) I wrote an essay and got picked to attend an Earthwatch expedition

My essay was about environmental aesthetics; about trees and fields and greenery in an urban landscape. I wrote about water and waste and the hazardous mix of the two in some parts of the country. I don’t recall writing anything about birds or animals.

So I was really surprised when I read the Earthwatch invitation letter and found that we were going to spend two weeks researching wildlife in the Pantanal. I enjoy watching animal documentaries from the safety of my bed but have never been keen on getting too close. But after some thought I figured why not? Something new.

The lady at the Earthwatch office in London nagged me endlessly about filling out the health insurance form. There were loads of forms to fill and I was sure I had filled them all. No, she insisted, you haven’t sent me the health insurance form. Please fill it, sign it, and fax it. I agreed to but forgot to.

She called me again. “I won’t let you get on the plane without that form being faxed to me first.”

How was I supposed to figure out which one was the health insurance form? I grumbled to myself. (Grumble a lot, especially on Wednesdays.)
All the forms looked alike; lots of questions and small print and boxes for comments, how was I supposed to dig through it all, it was such a waste of time, what the hell did she need the form for, aargh I hate this, which one is the health insur - actually it was quite easy to figure out which form it was because it had ‘HEALTH INSURANCE FORM’ printed clearly at the top. But I grumbled anyway. It’s very therapeutic. So is cursing and swearing, though I understand that ladies aren’t meant to swear. Why not? Who created that rule? I’ll effing swear if I want.

Where was I? Aha, the form. I filled it, signed it and faxed it the day before I left. A week later as I was being wheeled into emergency surgery I thanked God - and the lady at the Earthwatch office in London - that I finally filled out the form.