Granny's Nanny Must Go

Today we caught my granny’s nanny marching in the kitchen.

It’s not that big a deal, considering we’ve previously caught her talking to the wall and laughing at the kitchen cabinets. What made today’s discovery noteworthy is the fact that she saluted the fridge.

Madam Rose has serious mental issues that I am uncomfortable with and I find myself nervously eyeing the knives when I’m alone in the kitchen with her.
I call Madam Rose ‘Madam Rose’ because she’s fifty years old and I can’t bring myself to call her Rose. Anyway, she has to go.

I am 31 years old (32 in 5 months, *aargh!*) and I live an exciting life as a young professional in a vibrant city.
Actually I’m an overstretched junior manager in a company that’s miles from my home, I endure a punishing 4 hour commute to and from work in the infamous Lagos traffic and I live with my mum, grandmother and the very unstable Madam Rose.
As far as excitement goes, most of it is provided by my family, friends, colleagues and neighbours.

On living at home
I suppose at this age I really shouldn’t be crammed into a 3 bedroom flat with my family but with the high rent in Lagos I don’t have much of a choice. Plus I love my mum’s cooking ha ha.

On traffic
I have a driver so my friends think I shouldn’t complain about the traffic since I don’t actually drive in it. Yes but I still have to sit in it and listen to the *tap tap* of the beggars knocking on my window. Particularly on Falomo Bridge. Who is in charge of this bridge?? It should be renamed Beggar’s Bridge; there are so many of them on it that the level of harassment is incredible. There’s even an organized group of beggars that has uniforms and loudspeakers and rotate their appearances; sometimes they are on the island and sometimes I see them on the mainland. Do they have a schedule or something?

I have a driver because I can’t drive. Or maybe I should change that to I don’t drive. I can drive (technically) on Sunday mornings between 4 am and 6 am when there’s no one else on the road.

Have you been on Lagos roads lately? It’s a jungle out there! The other car drivers are crazy, the bus drivers are demented, the guys on motorbikes are psycho and the pedestrians are mad. Sometimes I feel I’m the only one who’s sane out there; even Benjamin (my driver) goes a little loco sometimes and I have to keep him in check. This is why I sit in front, instead of in ‘the owner’s corner.’ So I can keep an eye on things and make sure he doesn’t get tempted to race a guy in a brand new BMW.

“Benjamin! For God’s sake, Benjamin!”

Some people try to make me feel bad because I refuse to put myself through the added stress of driving in Lagos; why should I when I can pay someone else to suffer through it? It’s my contribution to reducing the level of unemployment in the country ha ha.

On work.
Oh. Lord. What can I say?

I mean that literally: what can I say about my job without getting myself fired? (Have to check with the Legal department and get back to this section later)

On baking
My mum and sis love to bake. I’m really not into that sort of thing though I offer my occasional support by going into the kitchen to mediate in their arguments. Sometimes they argue so much that I wonder why they bake together. “It’s four ounces!” “It’s six!” “You don’t even know what an ounce is!”

But when I ask: “why don’t you guys bake your own stuff separately, since you’re always arguing?” they look shocked.